I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
