is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
