he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
