I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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