If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
