Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
