is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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