i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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