He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
