So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
