eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
