3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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