I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
