i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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