You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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