Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do vagina's smell?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
