Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
