So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
