So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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