drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A+ Viking dick
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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