Don't you send me to vm
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You did what with his pubic hair?
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