so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
