I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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