The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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