so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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