remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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