That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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