I met the friendliest cop last night
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
