4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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