Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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