dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im holly from the hills drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got inside last night via doggy door
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
