I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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