you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
