yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
