good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
