The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pants are for mortals
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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