I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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