Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
