Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
