drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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