this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
