dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
