I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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