I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
