What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just high enough for therapy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
