help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
