dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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