I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
