it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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