I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
