i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
